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Sunday, August 25, 2013

Hey, Mr. Blue Eyes

Everyone has their struggles in life. Some are bigger than others. Some people never overcome these struggles and others find the willpower to slap them in the face. I know a man who has done just that. A man I am proud to call my father. In order to really understand this story I need to give a little background on our history.

My mom and real dad, Benji, divorced when I was a tiny little baby. I have zero memories of them ever being together. My mom remarried when I was about 3 years old to my wonderful step dad, Paul, who raised us as his own children. Benji struggled with life, with us kids, with addiction.

This particular struggle I am speaking of is a life long struggle with drugs. Having a father do the types of things that I heard and knew Benji was doing was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. I had so many emotions towards him growing up. I felt hopelessness, fear, unconditional love, betrayal, hatred, deceit and so many many more. I'm almost positive those feelings are nothing compared to the feelings he felt towards himself.

For as long as I can remember my dad had been a user. He never used openly in front of us kids but he also didn't always put us first. From the age of about 5 to 22 I dealt with the emotional roller coaster my dad took me on through out his addiction. The strangest thing is that no matter how bad it got or how long we went with out talking to each other I always had this little light of hope inside me that one day he would become clean and I would get to see this wonderful man everyone would tell be about. This sliver of hope literally reminded me of the tiny sliver of a moon we get every once in awhile. Throughout all the darkness in the sky this little sliver seems to find enough light to shine over the whole city.

It was around this time last year I decided to call the TV show Intervention and see if they could get my dad on there to help him. The producers called me and were on board to get things rolling. However, little did I know, my dad was already starting to build up his courage to be done with his addiction. I think, for him, things had gotten so out of hand he knew he either needed to clean himself up or he was going to be spending his time in prison. He got the opportunity to enroll and be apart of an outpatient rehabilitation program in Utah called DORA. He has gotten clean, has a steady job and from what I have heard he has been making great progress!

As his daughter one of my biggest fears was that he wouldn't be in my life to see me walk down the isle, or dance with me on my wedding day. Well, that day has come and gone and not only was he there physically but the fun, loving, outgoing guy that everyone talked about was there. My dad was there. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. It was the absolute best wedding gift I could have ever received. His eyes were this crystal blue color I have never seen before. I can actually look into his eyes and see how much more alive his soul is. It is literally a dream come true.

If you are reading this dad, I love you to the moon and back. I also admire what you have overcome.
Our Father Daughter dance to "My Girl"
I love him

Friday, August 23, 2013

That One Time I Got Engaged and Never Blogged Again...

Oh heeeey...I'm married now. We also have a dog, my parents are getting a divorce, oh and Shane and I will hopefully be moving to California.

I guess you can say that A LOT has happened in 8 months. I have literally had the absolute most amazing and most stressful moments of my life since I have last blogged! Getting married is a lot of work and I don't think I had any idea how stressful it would be! I want to blog about everything now that it is all over with and I'm not a headcase anymore. I am going to try and start from after the engagement....

The news came at the beginning of the new year. I think we kind of expected it but none the less it was official. My parents were separating, and getting a divorce. Honestly it is for the best and they will both be so much happier. None the less, it doesn't make it any easier to swallow. It also makes it slightly difficult to plan the biggest day of your new marriage when your parents are going through the process of ending theirs. Buuut that's enough of that.

Our puppy is the most wonderful decision we have ever made! (Aside from getting married). Her name is Bugsley, she is a shihtzuh, and she is the cutest furbaby ever. We are in love with her. We got her Easter weekend and she is the best thing I have ever found. I'm not sure how great of trainers we are though because she is 6 months old and we are still struggling with the potty training thing. Any tips would be more than helpful!!
This was the first day we got her!

This was today! She has gotten so big!
The engagements were amazing! I felt like a model! We towed the bus up to Evanston, WY and Park City, UT. We had the most phenomenal photographer alive. SK Photography is a magic maker! Sarrah is the most wonderful person to work with and her editing is unreal. Shane and I had a blast doing all of the photos together. Not to mention we had 3 outfit changes and at one shoot we were up at 6am to get the "good light". Totally worth it. Here are a few of our engagements:

The Wedding was a dream come true! But it obviously deserves it's own post!! So when I get the photos back from our photographer I will blog away about the whole thing!!